Falling Off the Wagon

Yup - it's been awhile. Blogging fell out of fashion for me, and at some point one realizes that documenting life can easily crowd out the living of life (consequently why I still have a completely blank scrapbook from college). But winter affords some extra moments of reflection, much moreso than the busyness of summer.
We're getting hammered with snow here in WPA - for the past 3 days it's been a losing battle to shovel or plow - by the time you're finished, it's time to start again. Of course there's a spiritual lesson to be had here...
It feels like that with sin sometimes, doesn't it? You've been weeping and praying and striving to rid yourself of one particular blot - whether it's a porn addiction or a pride addiction - and one day you realize you've been delivered! Praise God! And so as you celebrate that triumph over that sin, you begin to realize that there are others. God deals with our stuff as we can handle it. And so with His help, you begin to tackle the next one.
But every now and then, the old desires that led you into those sins that have been vanquished - well, those desires crop up again! You thought they were dead, and lo and behold, they're back. What a haunting experience that is! What a need we have for daily grace!
I've been trying to figure out just what this tension is between Victory in Christ/Death to the Sinful Nature and Recurring Temptation/Falling Into Sinful Patterns Again.
One pastor has said that he's sick of hearing about "the battle" - that it's been won and we shouldn't still be fighting it. I don't know about him, but I haven't reached the Winner's Circle just yet! I claim victory over sin and death through the grace of Jesus Christ, but man, some days I just can't get anything right. I don't quite know how that all fits together in real life. I have a hunch that repentance plays a key role, but I don't have it figured out.
All I know is that I'm thankful for a God who is over and above all - Who is First and Last, Author and Finisher. I'm ever so thankful that He reigns and will continue to reign, and that He has chosen to redeem my soul.
All glory, praise and honor to the Lord!

a bit of sadness...

Some disheartening news to report: this morning, around 11:50, our dear office betta fishie, Magnolia (Maggie) departed this world. She struggled and fought death, and in the end, laid to rest on the bottom of her tank. She will be remembered as a spritely creature who always brought smiles to our faces and mirth to our hearts. Thank you, Maggie, for being our fishie friend for almost a year. Committal service will be held in my backyard at home, after she floats to the surface and we can get her out.

New Picture!

I didn't realize that I could put a picture up there on top of the blog page, so when I did, I did. I took it of a corner of my desk. It sort of captures a microcosm within my office - my fish, Magnolia (Maggie for short), the array of colorful pens that I enjoy writing with, my collection of directories and over on the right, my husband and I. If you look just above our picture, you can see part of my Terrible Towel. :)

Isn't it interesting how we let certain people see certain parts of ourselves? Some folks see the 'work' side, some see the 'play' side, some see the serious, others the hilarious. Some see the worst part of us, some see the best. Some of that is what they perceive; some is what we choose to show them.

I wish someone would have helped me to be real as a teenager. I wish someone would have encouraged me to find out who I was, then be that as much as possible. Instead, I learned how to play the church game, the school game and the home game. I had the Christian friends game and the non-Christian friends game. I had different personalities in different situations. That might sound weird, and it was - not easy to keep up with.

The people I admire most in this life are those who are consistently themselves. Even people I can't stand being around - I have to give them credit for being authentically grouchy in every situation. Encourage youth to be kind and pleasant, but also to be honest.

example-

There were several times as a youth when I felt as though I should not take communion because of a dirty/angry heart. But I was afraid of what people would think about me - the misconceptions they would have and spread because I didn't take part in the ritual - so I would always do it anyway.

It never occurred to me that if I didn't take communion, maybe someone would approach me and ask if I needed prayer. Maybe someone would offer to aid in reconciliation in whatever situation it was needed for. The sad thing is, being honest never occurred to me because I couldn't imagine someone responding to it in that way. I had never seen it happen before, so it never crossed my mind.

Are we making a conscious effort in our churches to encourage honesty? To develop deep mentoring and accountability? Are we helping young people to deal honestly with their sins and struggles or do we discourage them when we ourselves are not honest within the Body?

Interesting questions. Think.

Obedience...

When I was little, my dad and I would sometimes go for an adventure. Whether it was a day in some big city or a hike through the woods, oftentimes, Dad would give me a little talk before we set out. He would scrunch down and look at me, and remind me that I was to do as I was told, even if I didn’t understand why. I didn’t even understand why he would tell me that. “Why can’t I know why?” I wondered.

The older I got, the more clearly I saw his reasoning. He was taller, he was stronger, and he was more attuned to what was happening around us. I might be examining jewelry in a storefront display, dreaming about how much I would sparkle, but he might see a big accident about to happen on the street behind us. I may be staring intently at a butterfly or an unusual leaf, but he may be looking at a copperhead further down the path. Because I trusted that he was looking out me, I learned to obey when he gave instruction.

It's pretty much the same way with God – we don’t see the bigger picture. Many times, I’m focused on some issue or some situation that’s happening in my life, and I can’t see past it! When God gives me direction, it’s usually not the answer I’m hoping for. Sometimes it makes no sense at all! But because I’m learning more and more to trust Him and rely on Him, I’m also learning that my obedience to God is a necessary and fruitful part of the process.

When I first went to college, I prayed for an open mind, an open heart and open eyes. I sang that song. You know the one - "Open the eyes of my heart, Lord..." I asked God to use me. Asked Him to teach me. Asked Him to broaden my horizons.

He sent me to Africa. I protested loudly, then I surrendered and walked onto a plane. What an awesome time! So many amazing, unique people in such a beautiful, ancient land! I came back changed - newly aware that there is a world beyond Western PA and even beyond the United States of America. That Christians across the sea have many things to teach us! Obedience.

There were guys at school that I wanted to date. Wanted to be a part of their lives. But I listened to Him and He didn't direct me to any of them for romance. So I learned how to be a good friend to guys. I observed what makes them tick. I watched the mistakes my friends made in relationships, and I tucked all of that knowledge away. I waited. Obedience.

Because we can’t see it all.

Mary couldn't see the empty tomb from the stable in Bethlehem. She just obeyed. God had entrusted her with His most precious gift to the world. Which is amazing! But there were still 3 a.m. feedings and skinned knees and broken dishes and homework. She is remembered across the globe, 2000 years after her life, not because she did anything phenomenal or fantastic, but because she was obedient in the little things. Because she changed diapers and cooled fevers and mended clothes and taught Jesus how to live in 1st century Palestine. She faithfully did the thankless tasks of any mother, even though she couldn't see where her toils would get her. She was obedient out of love.

“If you love me, obey my commands.” Remember that? Jesus said it. It's true. If you love someone, you try to please them. We shouldn't obey God out of fear or guilt or because we hope to be rewarded in return ... we should obey God out of love, because of who He is and what He did/does for us.

"If you love me, feed my sheep." Remember that? Jesus said it. To Peter. Three times He asked him - "Do you love me, Peter?" (kinda like how Peter denied knowing Jesus three times, huh?) Three times, now, Peter replied, "Yes, Lord, I love You!" The answer came. "Then feed my sheep." "Take care of my lambs." "Take care of my sheep." If you love me, then trust me and obey me! Carry on my work! Be faithful, even in the small tasks for which you've been appointed.

So, how are you doing? With obedience. It's tough sometimes. It's tough to have a Master, a Lord. It's tough to focus all your love on a God you can't physically see. But it's worth it. Obedience to God is always worth it. Listen, read, ask, surround & saturate yourself with godly influences. Set yourself up for success!

Trust ... and obey.

Monday, Monday...

...so good to me.

I really like the Mamas & The Papas. a lot.

and I like Easter week, too. it's crazy busy, and it's a lot of time at church, being the church. but that's okay. I figure that Jesus spent a few days being brutalized and trudging through Hell just to set me free, so I can give a few days that are focused on Him. that's pretty much the least I can do.

many thoughts cruising through my brain today, but here's the one that sticks out, so I'll share my musings on that:

the Monday before Easter is believed to have been the day that Jesus overturned the tables of the money-changers in the Temple.

that makes me wonder... how often do we practice thievery in the church? how many times do we take money from people (in good faith) and use it unwisely? all morning, I've heard the phrase "Tithing Sunday" being tossed around. what does the church do with the tithe?

now, I'm not asking 'what account does it go into?' read the question again. what does the church do with the tithe?

I'm not being flippant, I promise. but I do wonder. how much money do we hoard, for 'just in case'? I know of some churches (and parachurch organizations) that just keep opening new CDs and savings accounts. just keep stashing it away and spending just enough money to make it look like something's being done.

do you think that Jesus would come into our churches and overturn our communion tables, sending the offering plates flying? do you think He would accuse us of operating a den of thieves instead of a house of prayer?

maybe. I think many of us will be surprised when we finally end up at the Judgment Seat of Christ. we will be surprised at all of the good things that our actions have spawned, and we will be surprised at all the opportunities and blessings we missed because of our selfishness.

what about you? what are you doing with the blessings you've been given? and I'm not asking how much cash you put in the plate every week - I want to know what you're doing for the Kingdom of God - how are you using the talents and abilities that God has blessed you with?

let's focus (this week, for starters) on the wise stewardship of our gifts. let's practice daily being the church instead of fretting over the color of the carpet in the church building. let's pour ourselves into being the Body of Christ to a world that is hungering for Truth.

let's be who we are called by Jesus to be.


malachi 3:8-12

today's t-shirt.

So, I had this whole thing typed out the other day, and I did something wrong and it all disappeared. Well, once something is gone that I've labored over, I'm not really good at doing it justice again. Generally speaking, I'm a one-shot writer.

But, in case you were wondering, the title refers to the shirt I put on that day. My Malawi mission trip shirt. I was thinking about my visit to the small African country that day, and realized it's been 5 years since I went. I left on Palm Sunday, 2004 and returned the Monday after Easter.

It seems like a dream.

I have some regrets from the trip - looking back I realize that I complained too much and didn't have an open mind/spirit. Overall, though, I can't imagine not going - if nothing else, it provided great cross-cultural lessons and a new appreciation for other people around the world. I learned that when you visit Christians in developing countries, you don't minister to them much beyond the stuff you bring them. They minister to you.

I left Malawi just filled with awe that God's love could do such amazing works! These Christians weren't negative, they didn't squabble, they didn't point fingers or nitpick or condescend. They embraced each other, and us, and they glorified God in their daily living. They didn't give their leftovers to Him, they gave their BEST. I will be excited to rejoin them in Heaven and to watch them receive their eternal crowns! For people who have so little here on earth, what a fabulous inheritance awaits them in Heaven!

Sometimes I wonder if Dan and I shouldn't just pack up and move to southern Africa. I guess I would learn how to survive - even thrive there - and maybe I, too, could learn the secret to being content in all things!

What a thought...

yum.

Okay, so I normally don't advocate this business or that, but I just have to get the word out that a Panera breakfast is part of a well-balanced day. Seriously, it's a 7 dollar splurge, but every now and then ...

This morning, I swung by for a bacon/egg/cheese sandwich on an asiago cheese bagel. Now, I've been doing McDonald's breakfast for years (not every day!!!) and my standard is #11. That is a bacon/egg/cheese bagel.

I am here to tell you that Panera does a much better job! Seriously, if you want to start the day with a smile, do your morning devotions and pop into Panera. Repeat: Bacon/egg/cheese on an asiago cheese bagel. Add a strawberry smoothie and you are COOKIN'!

I've been thinking a lot lately about food and what God intends it for. If you can get a (fairly) natural meal that tastes amazing - go for it!

Really, I think the more natural you go, the better things taste, because God gave us such a wide range of food options. I mean really - He came up with some pretty cool ideas. Which reminds me... I've always wondered about the first person who fried an egg. Think about it. What possessed that person to crack open something that dropped out of a chicken's back end and cook it for food?

Beats me. Happy digesting!